American trooper jailed from shark attack. By Neil (Newspaper Report)

Yesterday, on our very own day of Independence, at Chicago, Illinois, USA, A killer great white shark almost bit off the head of American Trooper Bill Shrub with Shrub killing the shark and jailed for 5 years.

Squad 245 of the American army was on a rescue mission. Bill was on a rescue ladder at the time when the 248 kg Great White Monster attacked from behind. “I really hate sharks now” he said.

Reacting quickly, he pulled out his handy pocket knife and stabbed the endangered species in the eye before killing it. His friends in the squad realized he was doing something illegal and called the police. The squad would not let him back in the helicopter and the police surrounded the ladder in about 10 minutes. He was jailed for 5 years in Chicago International Prison and had his army status revoked

Our President, George .W. Bush, who was passing in his limo at the current time had this to say “If people continue this onslaught against the Great White Shark, we will never have any more of these Great Giants in any American waters so if jailing is the only way, we have to do, what we have to do”.

-Neil York Times