Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Conclusion evolution by Skyler (Personal Recount)

I was looking at the starting position; the golf ball was in my left hand and the club with the right. My hands were sweaty and they were starting to ache. I felt a cold breeze sweep past my face like spirits were enclosing me. I carefully put the ball down and hit the ball with the club. It went up a ramp… and back down again right from where I started. I hit it again and the same thing happened every time I hit it. This was really getting on my nerves. I hit it really hard this time but this time it went over the ramp and near the hole. (Finally) so I tried to hit the ball in the hole but it missed. I hit it again and it missed the hole. I think this would be probably par 1,000,000 I looked at the sign and it said par 2 that made me even more frustrated. So I came up with a conclusion and that conclusion was: next time don’t do the black course!

3 comments:

Chris Bradbeer said...

Hi Skyler,
I'm with you, golf is very frustrating! I love the sentence about the cold breeze. It is very atmospheric.
I think that the title is a bit confusing and that maybe you could come up with something that relates more closely to the story. A great effort though. I look forward to your next post.

Mr B

Anonymous said...

Great work skyler, Now I know it was hard!!!!


Next lerning step: Work on paragraphs

By Neil

Anonymous said...

Nice work! YOu really hooked me in. Next learning step: Use some paragraphs.

Maria